The Reynolds Pamphlet

So last week, the work peeps discovered this blog.  (That has been public for four years.  That has been linked on my public Instagram profile for over a year.  But I digress.)  They treated it as news:  "Have you read this?!"  "DAMN!"   And as the wildfire spread, the messages started pouring in from people …

I can’t decide…

     

I’m commencing to think…..

It's a phrase-ism my mother-in-law uses.  "I'm commencing to think that __________________( fill in the blank here). "  But today, I did a thing,  a little behavioral habit of mine that I know usually leaves me kind of icky-feeling, but that's never stopped me before. Back in the day, when Luke was still a thing, and I …

Who are you, really?

Some kind of little kindling in my head caught fire the other day, and I realized...recovery is not about learning and applying psychological lessons to my current life.  Not at all.  Recovery in mental health, like with obesity, has to be about lifestyle change. It's insufficient to change habits, though, even thought habits.  What you …

What “13 Reasons Why” got absolutely right.

Lets get the disclosure out of the way, for those of you who haven't 'met' me here yet. I am not a suicidal teenage girl.  I am a fifty year old woman with decades of perspective on life and the fact that it does get better.  I'm a mom, and I think like one, and …

Flashes of Insight, Part 1

I caught myself singing the other day.   Not in the shower, or in the car, or in any of the  places where there's music playing and you're expected to be singing.  There was no background music at all, in fact.  Just me, getting up from my desk and singing in my head and switchin' my …

Breakthrough

I was talking to Courtney today, I said something deeeeep, man.  I said, "the person I am in my head is a much better human than the one I am in real life." I spent most of the day letting that sink in a little bit. Let it roll around in my head, bounce off the …

alexander hamilton and me

This idea courtesy of my friend at BipolarSoujourner.wordpress.com, who commented on my suicide post with the gentle suggestion that I should consider reconsidering my growth metrics.  Perfectionism is something I struggle with, and trying to recover perfectly is just a different manifestation of the same disease.  So many instagram memes, right?  Words of wisdom, eating disorders, …

On Hubris

I've posted before on how I learned to make sense of the world; rejecting the deity-oriented worldview was necessary to account for examples of injustice and human suffering that are the rule on Earth, rather than the exception.  Cheaters win here.  (A lot.)  Good guys go unrewarded.  Children starve, are gassed, sold into 'marriage,' and …

Trigger Warning: Suicide

I've been tossing this idea around again, as I've been noticing the telltale signs of creeping depression.  Brief ones, yes.  Muted, yes.  But definite, like a little beckoning echo in the water that sneaks closer and closer on the wind.  Pretty soon, it will cocoon me again, like a cool fountain mist on a blistering day. I …